Nice day to "just" be
Today is the first day of the year 2026 for a lot of people. This day is no different than yesterday or the day before.
For me it’s totally different. Not necessarily from days before, but definitely different from the same days on previous years. I mean not the day itself or what events unfolded, but the feelings that orbited those days in those years.
I think I feel different because I kinda had to discover a different way of being. You could argue that there’s only one way to be, and you may be right. What’s there to discover is which is your way to access your own being.
In my case it meant years of stress culminated with an open heart surgery. That is not a coincidence. My fear of being sick, my disconnection from my emotional side (hence the heart).
It was no fun to have to go through that but at the same time it taught me a lot. About what? About life itself. It kicked off a journey that I hadn’t imagine for me. That journey lead me to try to “just” be in the present moment.
That just is between quotations because it’s the most difficult thing I had to do in my life and at the same time the most satisfying when I get it right.
Yesterday I had 0.5 seconds of, lets say, clock time, where I felt I was at peace, connected to everything around me, without any intrusive thoughts, without noise.
0.5 seconds is not a lot, you may think, but clock time, as I put it before, it’s not the same as presence time. Presence time works different. 0.5 seconds could mean a lifetime. Or at least that's how it feels.
I may be digressing but what I wanted to write about is that I was super obscure the last couple of days, you could even see my last 3 posts where I was really scared and today, or the last couple of days, that changed.
It’s not that the clock time calendar defines something but I feel that it can help you focus, and when you focus, you definitely connect with the present moment and you forget for even 0.5 seconds what have been and what could be if you do this or that.
Changes happen all the time and they are not necessarily bound to you being conscious of the present moment. But if you can, it’s awesome. Last night I was in pain, probably because some real body aches and some that my mind produced for me so I don’t forget to think about bad stuff.
Today I woke up, my mind tried to remind me of all the shitty things I had and will have to go trough, I let them be, I sat to have some breakfast and a breeze came trough the window, and I saw the only tree that I can see from my window, moving from this breeze, and I remembered that yesterday was super hot and you couldn’t breathe without air conditioner.
And yet today was totally diferent, I didn’t have to turn on the AC, I was just sitting there, eating fruit, being touched by this breeze, seeing the tree going side to side, breathing slowly (yes, the tree and myself as well), and I knew something was different. I was “just” be-ing.
Thank you for reading.
P.S.: I wish you had such a good start of this day as I did. If you didn’t and you feel obscure, email me and I'll be glad to share good feelings that go beyond what I could express in this post.